Time to Live in Reality

I enjoyed being mad and throwing blames at other people, starting commotion, pointing fingers. I laughed at others and make them look even more pathetic than they already are just because again it helps me sleep at night. Movie marathon, nightly trash talking and releasing my anger, yes those things are great relievers but not the cure for this sick cycle.

One of the great tree analysts said it was right in front of us we just chose not to see it. We chose to blame heck, well they're partly to blame too. I was already moving on but the question is, is it really possible not to have any longing for the real and to only keep it for reel?

So I did my own research too, I know I have to see it with my own eyes for me to accept the truth. Make sure that I have digested everything in and eliminated all the possibilities of a real so there wouldn't be anymore room left for delusions. I dunno ask me and I'll say keeping it reel is easier said than done. Well most advices are easier said than done. It's easier for us to say move on but when we're already in the same situation, it's not as easy as how we thought it was.

If it happened twice by the slightest least of temptation then it can happen again no matter how hard you restrain yourself from going beyond your comfort zone. So I don't think I can still take it. I have to, got to and wanted to move on now and leave this insanity behind. It's not my life anyway to begin with.

There were questions of how about our efforts in the past? Now let me ask, are they still worth the effort even if they don't give a damn about how fans feel? There is a saying, "If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen." I don't feel any regrets for the things I have done, i voluntarily did them anyway. I guess they're not my happiness anymore so I don't have that motivation anymore to give things without getting in return. As it is, I am only human. If you don't wanna do it then don't. It's as easy as that. I will always cherish the good things that came out of the fans club. But it's definitely time to know my priorities and stop punishing my pride.

Another Shock Hits You

Well I have written this like 2 days ago, yeah whatever helps me sleep at night lol.

It's funny how you could get hurt by something totally unrelated to your life. And it didn't happen once but twice. It was like getting treated to a good sex by your husband and a a trip for two to a romantic place while he was having an extramarital affair. Quite an example it is. You were enjoying it but you exactly have no idea it was just for a ride. There is a saying that "What you don't know won't hurt you." And there is another saying that would totally oppose it, "The truth will set you free."

It was a fine day that time, got a bit worried about that stressed ktext and read on one column an advice, just didn't know why it rings a bell. It says, "A pretty good rule in life is the hardest thing to do is probably the right thing to do." Maybe it's just a coincidence or it's a sign lol. And when I came back home, that shocking news hit me hard. Ain't a pretty good liar, it sure did.

I kinda think maybe it's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Apparently there are people out there who would do anything for money. They don't care about you but just what you can do for them. Well it sucks really, a downright insult to one's intelligence. Maybe it's an alibi or not when I say I was already moving on, I have accepted it can never be then suddenly here we go again, them giving you a reason to be delusional.

But let us bring back the classic saying, "Walang mang-uuto kung walang magpapauto." Yes even those who use their head do get deceived by cunning thespians who deserved acting trophies.

What Have I Got to Do

It's a lot easier when you've set your goals and all you gotta do is walk straight ahead. But when the path seems dim, when hope is diminished every minute as depression sets in response to the turn of events; you just get distracted. It becomes harder focusing on what you should have been doing. I gotta admit my past time which has become my addiction has helped me a lot to cope with the stress of my current situation. That for every tears I cried it had given me a break from it and gave me a reason to smile. How could I walk away from it so easily when what I should be taking is a road that makes me sick and what I'll be leaving is an abode of company and happiness? Though the unfamiliar yet exciting territory has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, it's pretty hard right now to miss a single day of this addiction. It has always been a question of where I went wrong to feel this unproductive with my life. Yes the current situation of me and my colleagues had been a harsh blow to us and yet have I just been sitting and waiting for fortune to come knocking at my door? Have I not been exerting enough effort to land an elusive job to busy myself with? These questions keep getting in my head most of the time and yet I can't seem to move my feet for a particular reason called happiness.

Saying, Doing the Right Thing

Saying an unacceptable thought regardless of being factual or not has always been the biggest regret of my life. This silly mistake I did in the past cost me a great friend. That was one of the times I wished I was more matured back then, enough to be tact in choosing my words. And yet I was a kid at that time and I couldn't change anything anymore. Guess the only consolation I had was a good lesson that I brought along as I grow up. When you find your real friends, you only focus on what's more important to you because physical things do not have a lasting effect. After all, who are you to point out others' dirt when you have specks on your own eye, just as what's written in the Bible. And for me, it's a good thing to keep in mind. It will save you from a lot of trouble and be able to keep trustworthy people. Isn't that what matters more?

Moving on, this time I said some words I could have rephrased better and dived onto a new ground without thinking ahead. Not that I regretted losing him, but it had bothered me that someone hated me so bad. I should have thought about it the 1st, 2nd , 3rd and up to the nth time before I led this guy to believe that we can have the real thing, a genuine love affair. Evenmore when I decided to let him go, I should have said 'I thought I loved you' instead of 'I don't love you.' He was terribly hurt. Even though both lines kind of mean the same thing, 'I thought I loved you' was the more appropriate feeling I had for him. I was blinded by my vision of what love is supposed to be (no sight for the physical and yearns to be treated as special) and that's what made me believe I found what I've been looking for in him. Not until I was faced with the real situation and by then I just can't seem to return the feeling. It's like I don't even know him even after talking over the phone for several hours each day or talking in game as we played all day. I just couldn't see myself being with him for real. I knew of course that I wronged the person, I didn't even consider that what if he was really in love with me and I seemed to have toyed with his emotions. And after all the commotion, I never had a chance to explain anymore. Nonetheless, that's what you get from online dating. I have nothing against people who believe they can find their soul mates over the internet or even through text but I'm just not a believer; not when everytime I think about it, this is the kind of memory that will appear in my head.

Anyway, whatever mistake we have done in the past, there is always a lesson to be learned. And it's now up to us if we want to repeat the same mistake or do the right thing this time. And whichever path we take, we just have to expect that it would either spell out DOOM or save your FACE.